It’s so hard to live back and forth in depression. Life can be disappointing at times. Or maybe it is because I want to reach my goal so badly, that when an obstacle gets in my way… It shatters me.
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Two years ago, I was forced to quit my job because of my health. The mental and physical stress at work took a toll on me. I loved my job, or did I? Honestly, I enjoyed my coworkers and the students. Since I resigned, to focus on my health… my health turned out to be a full time job without pay. Setting routine, journaling what I ate (I’m still finding allergies to foods), exercising, then go home to rest and blog. Repeat for the rest of the week.
I have found out if I eliminate red meat and dairy, my well being is a lot better. No full body inflammation flare. I was so use to pain, do to my Chiari Malformation, that I didn’t realize I was setting myself up for other autoimmune diseases. I woke up every morning with headaches and shoulder tension, that I would just fix the problem temporarily. Took pain pills, to ease the pain so I can continue to work. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2020, which was hidden because my body was already inflamed, so when I got fibromyalgia… my body would just shut down. Literally staying in bed for days because I was in pain.
People didn’t understand it because I looked healthy. I admit… I looked fit, so I probably looked like a dumbass when I would tell people I’m in pain. It is frustrating to feel like your dying inside, when your outside appearance looks normal. It’s depressing…literally because you begin to self doubt yourself. Am I not worthy to be believed?
When I started the correct medication for my symptoms, and eating a more strict diet. I found that my whole well being, started to feel better. The inflammation began to disappear, and would not flare up even after a hard HIIT workout.
It literally took two years, from the time I resigned to now, for me to get my health on track. To not give up… God guided me to the resources and gave me the strength to prove to myself that I am worthy, I am enough, and I am a survivor.
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